Time to work on that English...

1.  Recently, the girls' dad had to go to a conference in Poland.

The flight over involved a couple of stops.

So Eva woke up the morning after Etienne left, and said, "Where is Papa now?"

I said: "Probably at the airport in London"

Eva:  "One day, I really want to go to Angleterria"

YOU MEAN ENGLAND, MY CHILD???  

THE BIRTHPLACE OF YOUR (other) MOTHER TONGUE???

2.  Eva's friends' teeth are falling out all over the place.  I swear, it's like you gathered all those trolls together and dumped a box of Chiclets on the floor.  Teeth are falling like rain. 

 Anyway, Eva is JEALOUS of all of this, because her teeth are still solidly stuck in her head.

Eva:  "I don't have any teeth that fell out.  But I do have one that is TREMBLING".

3.  Also worthy of note - today Addie said, "BANANA" clear as a bell.  

4.  Remind me never, ever to take a 5 year old and a tired one year old to eat in a restaurant around naptime.  We just got back, and I feel like a truck ran over me.  Then backed up and ran over me again.  I think I have eggs in my hair.

If I ever want to do it again, SMACK ME DOWN, FAST AND HARD.

Not ready. SOOOOOO not ready.

I am not ready for winter.

And I don't just mean, "oh, I don't like winter".

Winter for me is like a four-month-long root canal with no aenesthetic, performed by a rusty-drill-wielding sadist.

Oh sure, I like skating and skiing and fondue and all that jazz.  

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.

The problem is DRESSING FOR WINTER.

I didn't mind it so much when the only person I had to dress was myself.  

Back then, I didn't have to worry so much about rounding up mitts and hats and scarves and stuff.  I had one or two of each and they worked just fine.  Boots went neatly in the closet and my gear was always put away nicely so it was easy to find the next time.   If the weather got too depressing, Etienne and I could sit in a warm pub and eat salty food while sipping a nice glass of red wine and watching the bundled-up folks walk by as fat, soft snowflakes fell gently from a rose-tinted sky.

Now, winter is...as I said...a four-month-long root canal.

It hasn't even begun, and we've already spent HOURS searching for waylaid hats, mitts, gloves, scarves, neck-warmers, warm socks, boots, etc. etc. etc.  Before I spawned, all my gear fit neatly in a cute little basket in the closet.   Now, we practically need a freaking semi-trailer unit to hold it all.  And for some reason, little fluffy hats and little warm mitts keep going the way of little pink socks.  We can always find ONE of a pair...but finding a MATCHED SET WHERE IT SHOULD BE is like the freaking holy grail of dressing-trolls-for-winter. 

And before you think this is just a fantastic lack of organizational skills on the part of the parents I'd like to point out that WE (the big people) put stuff back where it belongs.  But somehow...the little people manage to find it and HIDE IT.

The one blessing is that Eva can dress herself...although it takes her about two hours to put on boots, a hat, a scarf, mitts, and a coat.  Wait, make that three hours.  Okay, four is probably closer to the truth.  And even that is a conservative estimate and probably involved a lengthy series of increasingly creative threats.

As for little Miss Independence, if you can't get that kid fully dressed in 3.4 seconds, she is mad.  And I don't mean just a bit frustrated.  That kid spins like a freaking dervish, all the while tearing off any clothing already applied and spewing forth a stream of what must be spectacular curses in babytalk.  And of course, once you've got her all dressed and are finally heading out the door...she lets rip and takes a dump.  Kid has perfect timing.  

From that point, it gets even better.

KEEPING WINTER CLOTHES on Addie is next to freaking impossible.  The only thing that stops her from stripping herself NAKED in the car, is the five-point-harness in her carseat.  The second you start the ignition, she gnaws her mitts off with her teeth and then takes off anything that's not tied on, and flings it all over the car.   So once you arrive at your destination, you have to wedge yourself between the seats and heave your bulk through the car, gathering up gear and jamming it onto her AGAIN...while the freezing wind blows through the open door, and she COMPLAINS BITTERLY that the process is taking too long, and I COMPLAIN BACK that I WAS NOT THE BRIGHT SUNSHINE WHO STRIPPED HERSELF NAKED DURING A TEN MINUTE DRIVE IN MINUS 8 DEGREE WEATHER.

It is not even DECEMBER, and we are already sick of this crap.

It hasn't even really snowed yet.

The windchill factor isn't even a factor.

Root canal.

 

Sigh.

   

So nasty but still I laugh...

Addie has discovered that her nose has an INSIDE.

And there are THINGS in there.

And sticking an index finger inside prompts Mama to make a disgusted face.

And if the finger is left in there long enough, Mama will eventually laugh (Mama also laughs at burps and farts, but that's another story).

At any rate...Addie is now spending a lot of time with a finger up her nose, drilling harder than a blue-collar worker fixing a roadway.

Disgusting little creature.  

But funny.

Tho thith ith goodbye

Eva has always had a lisp as big as the great outdoors.

I've always considered it kind of cute, although I suppose I realized there is a point where lisps cease to be adorable.  Some people can carry them off with style, but I think it's safe to say that most parents kind of want them to disappear once the kid hits school.  We are no exception.

The last time we visited Eva's pediatrician, she mentioned the lisp and suggested we see a speech pathologist.  As luck would have it, I have a friend who is a speech pathologist so I spoke with her about it.  She said often lisps will just sort of disappear on their own...and she doesn't generally work with kids on lisps until after they lose their front teeth.  Which makes sense.  

Etienne and I decided to wait on it, until Eva lost her teeth.

Well, she still hasn't lost them...but this week, she did LOSE HER LISP.

It's really kind of amazing...one day she just started saying these sparkling, sizzling "S"'s.  

We hadn't really talked with her about it...she just kind of did it.

All by herself. 

It's amazing and remarkable and a weight off our shoulders.  I'm proud of her for taking the initiative and just doing it on her own.  Hearing her clear, certain speech is wonderful.

But.......it's also one more sign that our baby is growing up.

And I hate to admit it, but a tiny little weensy bit of me actually misses the lisp.

There.  I've said it. 

Thigh.

Bla bla bla

Typing furtively while Addie naps...a dangerous process considering she sleeps so lightly a butterfly farting in Brazil would wake her up.  Oooh Mama's feeling FRISKY on a rainy Thursday afternoon.  

1.  Adele's language skills have exploded over the past couple of days...she's been busy busting out with a bunch of brand new words.  

Among her repertoire:  "Chat" (cat), "Dodo" (nap), "Agneau" (lamb), and "chapeau" (hat).   Her verbal English is lagging a little, but her comprehension seems to be on par with the French.  So whatevah...I'm sure she'll soon be disagreeing with me in both official languages.  She can say "book" and locate her nose in English - really, what more does a kid need?

 

2.  HOLY HANNAH, was Eva in a shite mood yesterday.  Normally she's a pretty happy kid but yesterday she was a giant black thunderstorm sent by the forces of evil, vomiting misery and doom everywhere she went.  

NO idea what got into her but here was her first interaction with her dad in the morning (note - his tone is calm and friendly, hers LOUD and WHINY):  

Etienne:  "Good morning!"

Eva:  "Papa!  STOP TURNING ON THE LIGHTS!!!  It hurts my EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES." - then she flings herself dramatically on the couch, moaning loudly.

No idea where the spontaneous severe photosensitivity came from, but it soon led to this cheery exchange:

Etienne:  "You have Judo tonight after school!"

Eva (whining more and more loudly):  "ARGH.  I have judo one night.  I have chess one night.  I have judo one night.  I have chess one night.  QUIT TELLING ME THAT.  IT'S NOT NICE, PAPA"

Later her crummy attitude and SAUCY MOUTH earned her a one-way trip to bed right after dinner.  Hate when we have to be the bad cop.    Hate, hate.  She spends most of the day at school...and then when we finally get to see her, it's cut short because she's so freaking miserable.  Grrr.

3.  When she's not busy spewing black goopy hatred all over us, Eva has been drawing like a FIEND and writing "LIAM" and "LILI" all over her artwork.   She also likes to draw thought bubbles over Liam and Lili.  No clue who the hell Liam and Lili are - kids in her class?  Am I a bad mother for not knowing the names of every kid in the class?

Anyway,  all the thought bubbles read, "bla bla bla".    So we now have stacks upon stacks of drawings of people named Liam and Lili saying, "bla bla bla" back and forth to one another.  Not sure if they ever say anything else, but they sure say a lot of "bla bla bla"   I suspect Liam and Lili may be politicians.

4.  Eva came home after having a substitute teacher for the day at school.  

Eva:  "She has five fingers on one hand and only three on the other.  She was born that way."  

Me:  "Oh really?"  

Eva: "Yeah, but she's SO LUCKY.  Like if she wants to count to three, all she has to do is (raises three fingers on one hand) go ONE TWO THREE.  The rest of us have FIVE"

Well, of course - I know I find those two gratuitous fingers on the left hand to be SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS when I'm trying to count.

5.  Chopped off the tip of my thumb yesterday while cutting spinach.  And I mean CHOPPED OFF.  I actually located the tip and had to throw a piece of myself in the garbage.  Eva was suitably impressed.  And NO, I did not cry.  

Uh oh...I think I hear the rumbling of a 20 pound maggot.

Apparently, a butterfly just farted in Brazil.    

WOW

I've heard so many voices today saying the words, "Never thought I'd live to see this day."

Whether you agree with his politics or not...whether you're a Democrat or a Republican...you have to agree that it's pretty freaking amazing, what happened last night in the U.S.

I saw this quote today:

Rosa sat so Martin could walk.

Martin walked so Obama could run.

Obama is running so our children CAN FLY.

As a mum, all I want in this world is for my children to fly.

And whatever you believe, whatever your background...I know that hope unites us.

America, you never cease to amaze me.

Little old lady

Etienne went to a department store the other day, and was handed a couple of tiny trial-sized tubes of anti-aging moisturizer for men.

Me:  "So, did you try this anti-wrinkle cream yet?"

Etienne: "Not yet"

Eva:  "I tried it.  IT DIDN'T WORK"

While doing laundry...

...I came across a sippy cup that had been missing for a couple of days.

It was buried at the bottom of the laundry hamper in the girls' room, and I fished it out while loading their clothes into the washing machine.

Funny, I don't remember ever giving Addie a sippy cup full of cottage cheese...

DOH!