Hit me, babies, one more time

I work a morning shift.
I'm up at about 3:30, and finish around noon.
I like this shift; it works well for me.
But if I don't sleep well...or I don't nap...I get exhausted.
Heading into this post, know that I have not been sleeping well.

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Addie seems to be cutting her molars.

Either that or she's pregnant.
Or menopausal.

Seriously...over the past couple of days, my sweet girlie makes that kid from the Exorcist seem mild-mannered.

Actually, if you replace the pea soup with drool, that's pretty much Addie on a good day lately.

At the daycare yesterday afternoon, the teacher said they'd thrown her shirt in the dryer because it was soaking wet. By the time I got her home (a 15 minute drive) her coat was soaked right through. I swear, I could have wrung that sucker out and watered a village for a freaking year. Unbelievable.

Anyway, Addie was absolutely miserable. She normally turns into a little beastie just before supper, but yesterday was SPECTACULAR...she pretty much tore my head off and shrieked black fury into my neck cavity for two straight hours. She ate nothing...just sat there slobbering and whining and grunting like a hairless Tasmanian Devil. Finally I poured her a bath (her fave activity) but even that wouldn't console her. I think she raised the water level two inches from drool, though.

Throughout all of this, Eva sat at the table and drew, scattering an office-tower's worth of papers around. When I asked her to pick them up, she flew into a fury..."but HOW am I going to pick up ALL THOSE PAPERS? NO! NEVER! I can't do it! NEVER!!!" Lovely routine coming from a FIVE YEAR OLD. I told her to pick them up or I would LIGHT THEM ON FIRE AND THROW HER ON TOP AND USE HER BURNING CARCASS TO COOK MARSHMALLOWS. Well, okay I didn't say that. I actually said, "Look, you can neatly put them away or I will put them all in the recycling" She whined and yelled at me again. I kept my cool and took out my meanest mommy threat - A TIME OUT (OOOOOOOHH HOW AWFUL). She kept it up. So finally I fired her into her bedroom and told her to come out when she'd calmed down. She kept yelling at me and stomping on the floor. All the while, Addie has been writhing in my arms and wailing away because of her teeth.

By this point, all I wanted was to quietly head out for A GIN AND TONIC OR FIFTEEN.

Addie passed out pretty much immediately afterwards - one blessing.

As for Eva...we were in the bathroom about to brush her teeth and she deliberately squeezed a golf-ball sized lump of toothpaste into the sink. Then she kind of looked at me sideways and said mildly, "oops". I absolutely hate having to scrape up that crap out of the sink, especially when I've just watched her squeeze it out ON PURPOSE.
And I told her so.

Then (legitimately, by accident) she DROPPED HER PINK STUFFED CAT IN THE TOILET FULL OF PEE.

By this point, I could only sigh. I trundled her off to bed, fished out the cat, and headed downstairs to the laundry room.

And...

Are you ready for this?

THERE WAS A BIG FREAKING SPIDER SITTING ON THE WASHING MACHINE, LIKE A BIG, SPECKED CHERRY ON TOP OF THE FREAKING SUNDAE OF MY DAY.

And it gets better.

I went to wad up a lump of toilet paper to squish her and when I turned around, THE WITCH WAS GONE.

I SWEAR - the only thing I hate worse than seeing a spider is LOSING a spider once I've seen it.

Whoops...gotta run.

My wee Tasmanian Devil is bellowing...naptime is over.

Pray for my safety...I may not make it out alive.