Wierdness

Etienne and his nephew went out to a movie last night, leaving me alone with the girls.  I put Adder down to sleep and went to read with Eva.

The house we are staying in is a large, comfortable family home in a woodsy area.  It has a deck in front and behind, and tons of windows everywhere.   We were sitting in the living room with windows open...the breeze blowing...cuddled up...my sweet girl in her soft little pyjamas, reading away as I nestle my face in her hair....

Then...from the deck (it seemed) came a MAN'S VOICE.  Low, deep, calm.  It said just a few words - unintelligible.  I almost wet my pants.

Although they had already been gone for about 45 minutes, I figured (hoped) that Etienne or Jean-Loup had forgotten something and had come back for it.  Went to the back door to check...no one.  Went to the front door...no one.

By this point, I'm more than a little nervous.

I pick up a tennis racket, take Eva by the hand, and we go through the house.  Three levels...tons of bedrooms and closets...tons of places for the REFORMED AXE MURDERER ON PAROLE to be hiding.  

Eva responds as she always does in an uncertain situation...well, how she responds in any situation...by TALKING NON-FREAKING-STOP.  "Why are we looking in the bedrooms?  Why are we looking in the closets?  Who talked?  Who's the man?  Why are you carrying the tennis racket? WHY WHY WHY WHAT WHAT WHAT????" 

Me (through clenched teeth), "Because we are searching for the man who is hiding in this house and who is going to wait until we sleep then come out and tie us up and rape us one by one and then kill us slowly with sharp implements from the chef-quality Henckel knife block in the kitchen..." (Have I mentioned how much I love the knife block?)

But it came out as "Oh no reason!!! It's fine!!!"

Finally we had checked every space possible...my heart was still pounding but there wasn't much else to do but go back to reading.  I figured it must have been a voice from the road that floated in on the breeze to SCARE THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME.

Slept like a log, nonetheless.

Then...this morning...even worse.

Folding laundry beside the bed when I stepped on something.

A SPIDER.

(keep in mind that my fear of arachnids has no bounds, although the little bastards seem to be DRAWN TO ME like moths to a flame and NO, I don't believe the damned philosophy of The Secret applies here)

I STEPPED ON A !&@#?$%%?! SPIDER.

Its long, skinny legs kept twitching and twitching...I noticed this because the spider's body was nowhere to be found on the floor...just a bunch of legs twitching independently on the floor...no body...where's the body ohnowhere'sthefreakingbody.........

.....oh here it is!!!    

STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT.  

JUST

SHOOT

ME

Disenfranchised voices and disenfranchised arachnid limbs.

Let me tell you the bloom is SLIGHTLY OFF the Eastern Townships rose.