My grandma, who is in her nineties but still sharp as a tack most of the time, was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She's undergoing a second operation this week and hopefully will be talked into radiation (she's tougher than overcooked turkey, my Grandma).
Anyway, she's doing fine but I want to go and have some quiet time with her. I also want to see my mom and dad...go out with my sister...and visit a few friends. I get home maybe twice a year, and just really want some time with the people I love.
I bought a plane ticket on a seat sale and initially was planning to go alone, without the kids.
Then I decided it would be dumb to go and not take Adele, who still flies for free.
Then I wrestled for a long time over whether to take Eva.
Obviously if I take one child, I should take both.
I always take both.
But this time...this one time...I think I'm not going to.
And it's causing me no end of guilt.
My family sees the kids only twice a year. We are going there this year for Christmas, but I still feel like I SHOULD take Eva with me so the kid can see her G-rents and they can see her. Christmas is a long way off. They're awesome grandparents and one of my regrets is living so far that the kids don't see them as often as I'd like.
HOWEVER
1. As mentioned, Addie flies free. Bringing Eva doubles the price and makes a quick, affordable trip into a major expense. But this isn't the main reason.
2. Eva would miss a week and a half of school, one dance class, and one swim class. We've told her this is why she's staying home with her dad, and she's fine with it. But still isn't the main reason.
The main reason is just that I want some time with my family and friends...and taking only one child is just so darned much easier.
Addie takes a 2-hour nap every afternoon. She goes to sleep at 7:15 at night.
I can take the playpen to my grandma's, pop Addie into it in the afternoon, and have a peaceful couple of hours with my Grandma.
Or if I want to go to a friend's house overnight, I can take the playpen, pop Adder into it at 7:15, and I have the rest of the evening free.
Eva doesn't nap and if she's visiting, might not pass out until 10pm or even later. She's totally a Type-A personality...bouncy, high-energy, talks constantly...and needs a certain amount of entertaining. My girl is sweet, wonderful, and fun - don't get me wrong. Eva doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow I'm keeping her home from school "sick" so that we can watch movies and go to her fave restaurant for lunch. I'm really excited about tomorrow. I love spending time with my girlie.
But I sit here tonight feeling badly that in a few weeks, I'll be selfish...and will leave her at home.
In a few years, she can fly out on her own.
And I've promised her that one day, I'll take ONLY HER.
And she's fine with it.
But I still feel badly about it.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Sigh.
2 comments:
I know I know.
BUT, you're forgetting some stuff.
*Eva had all that time with you alone when she was born. Ada has never had that time. And it's okay, because she gets other special stuff, but for this little trip, you're giving Ada a major gift - something you might not ever have a chance to have with her again. Some alone time, as a baby, with her mom. The baby days go fast - this is a gift you're giving Ada. It's sort of now or never.
*Eva needs alone time with her dad. The two of them are going to have a BLAST together, just because everything is changed up. They'll eat differently, dress differently, interact differently - it will be a HUGE growth moment for Eva, and an amazing time for dad to have her all to himself. How many times is he ever going to have that? He needs it, she needs it, and the only way for them to get it is if you and Ada GO.
*Tomorrow you can snuggle Eva and tell her how much you love her, and love being with her, and it's great but...she already knows it. Tomorrow is for YOU. Have fun. Indulge. But she is not only going to be fine, she will be better for this little trip.
*Taking Eva will really screw up her routine.
*Your family would love to see her, sure, but this is their chance to spoil Ada - and at Christmas, they'll be ga-ga over Eva and will enjoy her that much more because they got to miss her a little bit. Trust me, your family wants to see YOU, and it will be such a wonderful little gift to have you sort of all to themselves. Quiet time to really talk instead of wrestling with two kids.
*Taking one child will be bliss for you. Either one would be bliss. It's Ada's turn, that's all. You need a break.
I'm sure there are tons more, but that's all I got right now.
Kristy!
You're a wonderful mom. Don't feel guilty about putting your needs first once in a while. And Kulio is right, Eva is going to looove having Etienne all to herself. It's special daddy time, and that goes a long way. There will be so many other occasions when choices have to be made; this is one that will all come out in the wash. Just focus on all the positive angles and don't beat yourself up so much!!!
- Just some thoughts from your little buddy! xox
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