Bodily function night. Plus bacon!!!

1.    Addie did it again last night.

I don't know whether it's the warmth of the water...the joy of being with her sister...or the fact that she needs to make room for her recently-eaten supper.

SHE SHAT IN THE TUB.  AGAIN.

Of course, poor Eva was in there with her...and exploded out of the bath in a loud streak of disgust and horror.  

Etienne was out with a friend so I was on my own.   

And when you're on your own and dealing with two wet, poopy kids and a tub full of floaty toys and brown lumpy water, you don't really know where the hell to begin.

Ideally, I'd leave the girls standing there dripping while I scooped out the toys and turds, then fully washed out the tub.  But Addie never remains in one spot for more than 0.5 seconds anyway, so that doesn't work.

And as long as the tub was full of poop soup, there's no way to really clean them off, either.

I finally soaped up Addie while she stood on the bathmat, then just rinsed her under the tap.   I dried and dressed her, went back and drained the tub and started scooping out toys and dealing with the - ahem - lumps...when suddenly I heard a BANG and a wail.

Of course Adele had employed her brand-new skill (learned so recently I didn't even know she could do it) of climbing onto the bed alone...and then promptly rolled right off, whacking her head on the floor.  I raced back to hold her, while Eva kept up her litany of "I'm cold...can I get back in the tub?  I'm cold...can I get back in the tub?"

Argh.  But the bodily function story gets better.

2.  So the girls get cleaned up and go to bed and all is fine.  I go to bed early...and about an hour and a half later, Eva starts coughing.  She has a mild cold and coughs...and coughs...and coughs.  

Now, when she coughs a lot, Eva tends to vomit.   Especially at night.  Especially in her bed.  Especially just as we're drifting off to sleep.

OF COURSE, SHE WAS TRUE TO FORM.

All over her bed.  All over the duvet...neatly missing the bowl I had placed in her bed EXPRESSLY FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Etienne was home by this point and together we cleaned up Eva and her sheets and calmed her down and gave her water and so on.

  

Kids, please....for your tired Mama and Papa....tonight let's make a concerted effort to keep all solids and liquids WHERE THEY BELONG.

3.  I mentioned BACON.  This comes up because Eva's sweetheart of a little friend Emie came over last night and stayed for supper.   Emie's family is Muslim, so they don't eat anything that comes from a pig.

Anyway, Emie was explaining this to Eva.

Emie:  "So I don't eat pork or bacon or dragon"

Eva (with an audible snap of her neck as she looks up from her drawing):  "NO BACON???"

Emie:  "Nope, no bacon...and (clearly trying to get a rise out of Eva) NO DRAGON"

Eva (loudly, clearly shocked): "YOU CAN'T EAT BACON???"  

(A pause, then even louder)  "NO BACON???"

So...apparently eating DRAGON is perfectly fine by my kid.