I don't look THAT old, do I?

Eva:  "Mama, were you born in olden days?"

Me:  "No...it was years ago, but not OLDEN DAYS"

Eva:  "So...had ELECTRICITY and GAS had been invented by then?"

Sick baby strikes again

1.  Adder is sick sick sick.  Around 1 o'clock this morning, she started waking up every twenty minutes, whining and crying.  Every twenty minutes like clockwork.  I got up a couple of times to rub her back for a minute or two, before leaving her to snuffle and snort in the darkness.  I finally picked her up and held her - she was just so miserable.  And when I left at 4am,  Etienne was standing there, bleary-eyed in the early-morning dark, holding her while she snuffled against his shoulders.  Poor her.  Poor him.

2.  I was five hours into my shift before I realized the shoulders of my dark grey sweater were smeared with WHITE-ISH CAKED-ON DRIED SNOT.  Oooooh lovely - a present from my sick baby.     

3.  Got home around 11:30...ate lunch with Adele and we both crashed for a nap at noon.  After about twenty minutes, she started whining and crying.  I was exhausted from the previous night's festivities, so I finally scooped her up out of her crib, built a wall of pillows on Etienne's side of the bed so she couldn't fall off, and snuggled her in beside me.  She sucked her thumb and made snuffling noises, but passed right out until 2:30.  SO DID I.

4.  Eva's friend Emie was over tonight and they danced in Princess gowns before Eva popped the happy bubble in a big way - by REMOVING THE CHILD-PROOF BARRIER FROM THE STAIRS LEADING TO THE BASEMENT.  

You know that scene where the party's going on and some jilted girlfriend shows up crying and screams at the embarrassed jerk football player, and the last thing you hear before everyone goes silent to watch, is the scratch of the needle against the record?  I wheeled around the corner from the kitchen to find Addie standing at the top of the void, looking down the stairs with a great deal of interest.   SCRAAAAATCH.

Removing the barrier is just about the worst crime a 5-year-old can commit, and she found herself in bed VERRRRY early as a result.  

Now I find myself sitting here and trying not to think about what COULD HAVE HAPPENED.  

Too terrifying and it will make me cry.

5.  So I'll think about something else that - if I really think about it - could also make me cry. 

THE BATHTUB POOPER STRUCK AGAIN TONIGHT.

THAT MAKES IT TWICE IN THREE DAYS.  

Sick as a dog, and she still manages to lay a log in the tub.  

And of course, this time she waited until she and her sister were wedged in with about 3-thousand pieces of Tupperware, assorted Barbie princess gear, and Fisher Price animals (maybe it was the cow that shat, on second thought).  

Love cleaning crap out of the tub.  

Love cleaning crap out of Fisher Price animal orifices.  

Grr.

Tomorrow will be better.  Staying home with my sick baby.  

And she's welcome to rub snot all over my shoulders, all day long, if it makes her feel better.

As long as she doesn't crap in the tub.

Bodily functions and responsibility

1. Adder pooped in the tub. Again. I think this makes it six times. Maybe more. I think it might be more efficient if we just start bathing her in the toilet.

2. Eva is the "Responsable" today. This means she is in charge of telling the other kids the date, writing the weather on the board, and checking the temperature. In kindergarten, all of this is a pretty big deal and she started talking about it last week. She told me last night she also plans to inform the class that Barack Obama is being sworn in as the 44th President of the United States today. You go, my girl.

3. Also last night:

Eva: "My button is too tight. I can't undo my pants...can you undo them? I have to pee"

Me (undoing button): "What do you do at school when you have to go?"

Eva: "What school?"

Me: "The school where you spend your day. What do you do when you have to pee there?"

Eva: "I go to the bathroom"

Sigh.

Rotter

1. Do you jam out on your kid's best friend TWICE in a row because your kid is behaving like a doofus???

Last week Eva was being rotten BEYOND WEEK-OLD COMPOST IN THE HEAT OF SUMMER. As a result, we wound up cancelling a "playdate" with her friend Emie.
Eva cried, Emie cried, and Etienne and I felt waves of guilt wash over our coal black hearts, because Eva's punishment had an impact on her sweet little friend. But hey, collateral damage, right? Lessons must be taught here.

Anyway, this week Emie was over at our house. For "fun", I painted their faces...painstakingly drawing matching flowers, butterflies, and hearts on their cheeks and foreheads (believe me, this stretched the limits of my artistic capability and it STILL looked like they had been painted on by a blind person suffering a seizure).

Then, horror of horrors.

Eva smudged her butterfly. Ever so slightly.

And you'd have thought the freaking APOCALYPSE had arrived.

Tears, foot-stomping, the whole bit.

"EMIE IS PRETTIER THAN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

Of course we told her to suck it up and whispered threats to send Emie home. But my heart just wasn't in that response, because Emie's big brown eyes were looking at me and I just couldn't stand bombing her playdate twice in a row.

So Emie wound up staying.

And once again, I wound up second-guessing my parenting skills.

Sometimes I feel like such a SUCKAH.

2. Addie ate Chinese food for the first time tonight. A child who often refuses to eat ANYTHING sat there and double-fisted lemon chicken and shrimp fried rice so fast, it was like watching a freaking hummingbird attack the plate. I was afraid to get my hands near her mouth.

Her fortune cookie read: "You are next in line for promotion in your firm"

She ate the cookie while whirling like a dervish to Les Cowboys Fringants' Manifestation song.

Eva's said, "Time is the wisest counsellor".

Good. Because Mom clearly isn't.

3. Eva says my friend Louise lives outside of Regina...so it's not Saskatchewan. Kid can find 40 countries on a globe, but doesn't know that a FARM near REGINA is still SASKATCHEWAN.

4. Etienne was talking tonight about a conversation with his manager (who is female).

Eva (shocked): "Your boss is a GIRL?"

(at this point, I quietly began choking on my stir fried vegetables)

Etienne: "Yes, she is"

Eva: "WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY, THEN?"

It's been a long night.

Here we go

I've always known that outside influences have to work on my child.  You only really have them for the first couple of years, and then the OTHER stuff starts to work on them.  The kids at school get hold of them.  I've known this forever.

But I admit, I still wasn't quite ready for what Eva said to me while soaking in the tub last night.

The question I've been dreading since September, knowing that once this snowball starts rolling, it'll swallow us all.

"MAMA...WHAT'S HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL?"

Although it came out as "Mama, what's I School Musical?"

My daughter goes to a French school, so the kids there pronounce "High" without the "H".

I said, "Um...I don't know that much about it.  Do all the kids know about it?"

Eva:  "Not all.  Some do"

And we left it at that.

But it's coming.  I know it's coming.

My parents bought her a little black hoodie for her birthday last year that she wears all the time.  It has High School Musical on it and she adores it because it has metallic writing and sparkly pink cuteness.  

I still haven't told her what exactly it says on the front.

She hasn't asked.  And she hasn't been enterprising enough to read it herself.

But she will.

Heavy, soul-sucking sigh.

I'm sure my parents felt the same way when I discovered Corey Hart.

The only difference...

COREY HART WAS WAY COOL.

My b*by is growing up

Packing Eva's lunch in the morning, I selected a small pink spoon for her to use to eat her yogurt.   It's a spoon she has taken to school many times before.

Eva (horrified):  "Mom.  Not that spoon."

Me:  "Why?  It's pink.  It's little.  You love this spoon.  You take it all the time"

Eva (as though explaining to a retarded child): "MOM.   I can take a little spoon...just...not that one.   Look what it says on it."

Me:  "HEINZ BABY BASICS"

Aha.

The kids at school can read now.

What's next? Mani-Pedi during math class?

Eva: "Today we are having a SPECIAL relaxation to help us sleep during the nap."

Me:  "What?  What could be special relaxation during a kindergarten nap?"

Eva:  "We will have a massage first.  Then we have to roll over and get more massage.  THEN we do the nap.  It will help us sleep"

A MASSAGE?  What the hell?

I want to go to kindergarten!!!

Although personally, if I was the teacher, I'd just use tranquilizer darts.

Much quicker.