So yesterday I went to buy Eva's school supplies. I must admit that I stood there blinking momentarily at the cash register, wondering if my poor French skills were to blame for the fact that the total amount due seemed to be MORE THAN THE COST OF OUR HOME. But no, I wasn't lost in translation...we really did need a second mortgage to pay for all this stuff. No clue how my parents did it with four of us. Not only that, but finding everything on the list is like searching for the freaking holy grail. In this case, the grail was a SINGLE YELLOW DUOTANG.
The handy-dandy school supplies list said she needed - among other things - FOUR duotangs of differing colours...one red, one blue, one green, and one yellow. The first three were easy enough to find but I swear, that yellow one aged me five years. I wandered the aisles with my overflowing cart, envisioning what might happen if I sent her to school with one red, one blue, one green, and one ORANGE duotang.
I could just picture it. Kids would make fun of her. She'd be confused and feel bullied. She'd begin to hate school and would agonize over that moment every day when she had to face that blasted ORANGE duotang. She'd quit school in fourth grade and become an agoraphobic bum, living in our basement eating chips and flipping aimlessly through the channels. We'd have to pay for her therapy and cable bills, and would never be able to afford retirement (although now that I think about it, after paying for school supplies, we'll never be able to afford retirement anyway). OH WHERE ARE YOU YELLOW DUOTANG??? Finally found one (ONE!) hiding under a stack of construction paper pads. I practically pumped my fist in the air in victory.
Now I know you're thinking that "early" means 5 or something. NO, no, no, grasshopper....five o'clock is for wusses and babies. My alarm now goes off at 3:45 am...and let me tell you...3:45 is DAMNED EARLY.
At that hour, I have to take a taxi to work. Of course, it was only AFTER I had dialled the number that it struck me: I HAVE NO CASH. Hoping to find a misguided and forgotten twenty dollar bill, I opened my wallet only to be attacked by moths and tumbleweeds. This prompted a spectacular round of swearing (silently, mustn't wake the slumbering family) as I tore on tiptoe through the house searching for change. Raided my husband's wallet, finding enough money to get me about to the end of the block. Finally I remembered my secret lost-change-found-in-pockets stash down in the laundry room. And there was enough. The gods of early-morning radio were indeed smiling on me.
As for tomorrow, not sure what the hell I'll use to pay the driver because everything else we had went to pay for EVA'S BLASTED SCHOOL SUPPLIES.
One last note...Addie's rash has disappeared. It was indeed a vaccination reaction. It's too bad, really...I was starting to like my baby polka-dotted. It added visual interest. But SO glad she's better!
3 comments:
I have no clue what a 'duotang' is, (stupid non-Canadian...), but I dearly loved reading all of August. Wait...wait..it's coming to me....it's a two-pronged folder? What is with the specific colors?? Can we not just write a check and let the teachers purchase their favorite colors in bulk? Having just completed the purchasing of supplies for my own four Trolls on four separate "special" shopping trips...I feel your pain. Write on, I'm completely taken with your blog :-)
Kristy,
remember now - there was lots of shit ass stuff on our lists that we NEVER used up. F#@$'in "Hilroy lined notebooks X 20." I remember we used five.
And, there was the atlas that we never cracked open EVER AND -AND the geometry set that I ended up just using as a weapon and then later for illicit purposes. Glad you found the yellow duotang - NOW, you have to let us know what Eva ends up using it for. Sincerely.
M.
I love the idea of stroking a check and letting the school buy the supplies.
Can't imagine buying for FOUR.
Kulio, you deserve a MEDAL.
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